There was once two lonely boys. Each one had damaged pasts that left them empty shells of what hey could have been. Broken fathers, broken brothers, broken friendships. When they found each other, life was interesting; each one lived for the other, because both of them were tired for living for themselves. They were the best of pals, and got in trouble together, fought together, ate together, bled together. Nothing could separate these two comrades; they had found a new purpose to live in each other, and threw away their sorry pasts to rise up towards something greater than themselves. They were loyal to each other. Loyalty, as in if one had asked the other to take a bat to someone’s head, they would do it without doubt or hesitation. And when one fell into depression, the other would gladly throw himself into the darkness so that the both of them wouldn’t be alone, even in the face of despair. Loyalty. However, these two pals were human, and nothing is ever perfect, and soon disconnection would soon plague their friendship.

Both of them had discovered the joys of using pretty liquids and strange foods to numb the pain. They dived into the shaded and malformed, and soon they couldn’t get enough; they were addicted. But they didn’t care, they were strong together, and nothing could stop them as long as they were beside each other. Us against the world.

One day, one of the pals was given a chance to rise above the darkness into the light. With good intentions, this pal had promised the other that even though he would venture into the good of life, he promised that he would always be there for his comrade, ready at the call. This had begun the separation of the two loyal comrades, and soon unrest and jealousy sparked inside the friend who was left in the dark. The two had started to argue, and sadly the argument ended in a bitter separation of the two loyal comrades. The one who resided in the darkness had argued that the world was a bitter structure who was never anyone’s friend, and that he was trying to save his friend from the hypocrisy of the light. On the contrary, the one in the newly discovered light argued that life and the world was inherently good, and that evil was just a different way of expression through the minds of those who have suffered and been misguided, and that all deserve another chance. Ironically, both of these friends had argued to supposedly save each other from making a mistake. But they couldn’t reach an agreement, and went separate ways.

Even though they were separated, these comrades remained loyal to each other in mind. Both of these friends never went without a day of thinking about the other. While one was lonely and enjoying the corrupt pleasures of the darkness, the other was enjoying the fruits of the light. However, the darkness had really took its toll on the friend who was left behind, and after all the pretty liquids and strange foods he took, he couldn’t overcome the feeling of loneliness anymore. So he sought out to desensitize himself, opened a bottle of darkness and began to not feel, and in this state, he had somehow worked up false courage to call on the friend of the light for help. He was lonely, and dearly missed his friend, and admitted that he was jealous of the fruits of the light that his comrade had been joyfully eating. But the comrade in the light did not think the same. You see, the friend of the light had been intoxicated of the light, and soon forgot the precious memories he shared with his friend of the dark in their past days. Light can lift the spirit so high that sometimes one may forget to look down. So he told the friend of the dark to come to the light by himself without help, or otherwise not to bother him. Then the friend of the dark felt pain like no other. The pain of truly being alone and abandoned by his once loyal and trustworthy friend, who ate and fought and bled together. This pain was too much for him, and soon the darkness consumed his entire being.

Soon afterwards, about a week later after the friend of the light had truly abandoned his friend of the darkness, a terrible event took place. The friend left in the dark had decided that his pain was too much to bear, and took bottle after bottle of darkness that he couldn’t see, feel, smell, hear, or taste anymore. He was dead.

Thus ends my first year of college. I’ve learned a lot, lived a lot, yet I remain indifferent. These two years have been chaotic and selfish, I’ve had nothing but complaints and differences with myself. My decisions. Made some trivial mistakes, and lost some friends, which I will always be regretful for, but I’m learning. I’ve had some highlights as well; the monotonous drinking and smoking in my first semester taught me that doing those jaded activities were not me, that I’m rather cathartic. At the moment I’m not really happy with myself, and there are many things I’m not proud of, but I’m taking it as a strong reminder as things to never do again. If it doesn’t make you happy, shit ain’t worth it. Pick yourself up and up again and again. Never give up. Live and learn. Appreciate more things. Appreciate yourself. And the biggest and hardest obstacle of all: find the strength and will to forgive myself. Don’t stop. Find purpose.

So here’s to all those hours spent studying late at night, and arguing with professors. Here’s to all those students working their asses of for a dream or purpose. To those hours wandering around the night, discovering new parts of myself under the paint of the shaded and malformed. To striking up conversations with the occasional person with a story. To those who actually believed in me, who teach me, who make me a better person. My friends. To those who I let down. Forgive me, I can do better.

And now, alas, onwards into summer, a new book, a new chapter. A story of recovery and identity, a story of purpose. Into warm nights trespassing under a sky bleeding with stars.